I've decided I'm not going to have kids. I love babies, but I'm just not ready for the commitment of uploading that many photos to Facebook.
Thanks iPhone autocorrect, I'm sure my dad wanted to know that I miss going on our weekend fisting trips.
Friendly reminder that the Mayan calendar ends on Friday. If you have any Mayan friends, a new calendar would make a great Christmas gift.
Rearranging the Hallmark store window display of Beanie Babies into sexual positions
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
We're all so mature until a friend comes along with bubble wrap.
Dear sneeze if you're gonna happen, happen. Don't just put a stupid look on my face and leave.