I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
When one door closes another one opens. Apparently I really need to get my car fixed...
Cyberbilly
I hate it when women wear pink camouflage. Where you hiding? Candyland?
Amigo
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
Amigo
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
Jackamus
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over