Apparently, zoo keepers don't appreciate it when you try to feed marbles to the hippos!
When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in my face, I get concerned about her disproportionate body shape
Sometimes, the best kind of birth control is just good lighting.
Sometimes I just get so frustrated by the rush-hour traffic that I slam my head on the steering wheel. That's usually followed by the bus driver telling me to get out.
Who's this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
Cyberbilly
The inventor of the treadmill has passed away. Poor guy never really went anywhere.
Michael Mendoza
I find it amusing that Kanye West sang about gold diggers, and now he's with one.