I Should Run A Marathon Backward So I Can See What 2nd Place Look Like...
How come I can get free wifi with a $3 cup of coffee but I can't get it with a $150 hotel room?
If my dog is good I'll change the channel during the sad ASPCA commercials. If he's not I hold his eyes open like in A Clockwork Orange.
My neck is killing me. My memory foam mattress must have amnesia.
Pro tip: when spitting your gum out, make sure to pull your hair back first. Unrelated: hey guys I just got a haircut!
They only call them yoga pants because watch netflix instant and eat leftovers pants was too long
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes.