I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
If someone starts a sentence with “words can’t express,” brace yourself, because they’re about to give it a hell of a try anyways.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
Xyuppi
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn't let you skip.
I'll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you're 23."
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren't there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.