I'm not saying I'm out of shape but I just stretched, got winded and need to lie down
Diet status: smelling the maple syrup on someone else's plate.
I don't know why I don't buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the crap out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
If "she'll be riding six white horses when she comes", she's probably a little more woman than you can handle
One of the ironies of parenting. You teach your kids to be strong and independent. But when they are strong and independent with you, it pisses you off. Be careful what you wish for.
Cyberbilly
If you’re going to hire a moving company, make them all play Tetris first and choose the one who gets the highest score.
If we were all a little more sensitive we'd be asking "How's Waldo?"