Peeing on trees is a dog's Foursquare.
When I was born, I was so surprised, that I didn't talk for a year and a half.
You know you're broke as hell when your bologna doesn't have a first name!
Cyberbilly
Nasty bumper sticker: My kid knocked up your honor student.
Nolan Erickson
Evening news is where they begin with saying "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
The surest way to laugh harder is to try and explain why you're laughing in the first place.
Jogvan Jacobsen
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?