A week is five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do.
A guy came to my house last night, said he needed money for starving African children. I told him to get off my porch. What kind of awful person buys starving African children? Freak.
Amigo
Men have feelings too. For example, we feel hungry.
Me: Yes, 911? My wife is going into labor, what do I do? 911: Relax sir, is this her first child? Me: No, this is her husband.
Amigo
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and was tired after a long day of work. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
Amigo
My internet goes out more than I do.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.