I can't tell if I actually have free time, or if I'm just forgetting everything...
I feel bad for all the parents whose daughters will cross over from scary to slutty Halloween costumes this year.
Amigo
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet...
Video games are awesome because they let you try out amazing fantasies. For example, in The Sims, I'm able to have both a job and a house!
Cris
I think alarm clocks would be more effective if they woke us with motivational phrases like, "OMG, a SNAKE!" or, "THERE ARE ONLY 2 PIECES OF BACON LEFT!"
Getting back with an ex is like using the same piece of toilet paper twice...
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.