Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, 'what do you have to tell me?' he said, 'I don't know, never made it this far
I don't think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I've been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
Florida
It's true, alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.