Let's face it. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF
Have you ever had a fly land on you screen and your first instinct was to scare it with the cursor?
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
They say you are what you eat. So I'm going to start eating skinny people.
I hate when I yell stuff at the TV and they don't listen to the stuff I say.
My life is like 1 ply toilet paper. I get the job done, but I have no idea how
Apparently when my wife said she wanted me to warm her up in bed, she didn't mean "Dutch Oven". Hello couch.