Funny Statuses

I now own an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it.
#15805
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Xyuppi
If meat is murder, then Tofu is identity theft!
#16016
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Cyberbilly
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn't agree.
#16377
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Cyberbilly
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
I hope I never go to jail because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2001
#17789
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Florida
Johnny Depp is the one guy that could've used an amber alert.
I know there are plenty of fish in the sea, but how did I end up on the catch and release list?
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