You never know how dirty a song's lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
The best thing about dogs is that you can act like something really good just happened and they’ll instantly start celebrating. They have no idea what the context is, they're just always ready to party.
Xyuppi
I love long walks on the beach with my girlfriend, until the LSD wears off and I realized I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Wendy's parking lot.
Jon
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
Xyuppi
The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said "That's how I want you to do it"
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
Xyuppi
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.