It would be helpful to have the audience from “The Price is Right” around when I am making those critical life decisions.
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don't need that negativity in my life.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
I just discovered that I can power all my appliances with the perkiness of that girl in the Progressive Insurance commercials.
Omg my toaster just scared the shit out of me!
You know you are getting old when your back goes out more than you do.