Amigo
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
Cyberbilly
Yeah you nailed the audition but some other chick nailed the director so better luck next time.
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don't know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
Amigo
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence, your answer should always be, "Please don't hit me again officer"...
My boss is an inspiration that one day someone as lazy as me can be in charge.
Don't kiss anyone on January 1st. It's only the first date.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can't recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...