If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did’.
I started carrying around a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.
Cyberbilly
I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector last night.The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
Xyuppi
You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree, and then realize it was just your air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror.
Xyuppi
I remember when I was a kid you could go to the store with 1 dollar and come home with 3 bags of chips, 2 candy bars and a cold drink. Now, they have cameras everywhere.
While sitting on the couch with my wife rhythmically flipping through channels, I hope that extra 3 second pause on boobs isn't noticeable.
I'm surprised that women would actually want to box...If my wife boxed.....Announcer: "In this corner weighing...None of your business...."