Florida is just a humid Walmart
I'm not pessimistic, I'm just optimistic that a bunch of crappy things will continue to happen.
Dear Sharks: You may get your own week on TV, but house cats get their own eternity on the internet.
I was making fun of hipsters before making fun of hipsters was cool.
Before you repeat yourself, I think it's only fair for me to inform you that I won't be listening to you this time either.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
I'm going to get a tattoo of a grape. Over time it will wrinkle and become a raisin.