Just saw a guy check out my wife. Good luck, dude. I don't even have a chance with her and I'm MARRIED to her.
It's only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" is a hit reality show.
I'll never understand why Mario still plays golf and rides go-karts with the guy who violently kidnaps his girlfriend all the time.
If dentists make their money off people with bad teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
When I wrap gifts myself, I tell everyone a child did it so it's adorable instead of pathetic.
For those of you wondering what it's like to be married, I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.