Thank God for women. If it wasn't for them, us men wouldn't know that we do everything wrong.
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough.
How did the hipster burn his lip? He ate some pizza before it was cool.
Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your music. When im driving it scares the crap out of me.
Living in a country where obesity is on the rise and skinny jeans are becoming a fad, I fear for the future.
Animal crackers just don't taste right if you don't start by biting their heads off first.
Dear Curiosity, Just put the gun down and let's talk this out. Sincerely, The Cat.