I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It's easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald's
Part of me says I can’t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, “Don’t listen to that guy. He’s drunk.”
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
If I was a mortician I'd tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it's only Wednesday.
User889
Whenever someone says, "that's what she said", I like to reply with, "not to you"
I've got an idea for a celebrity cereal line: Macklesmores, Justin Timberflakes, & Snoop Loops.