Funny Statuses

I know you're not a baby but it'd be weird to stroke your back while you cry saying "Aw, its gonna be alright full grown adult"
I slept like a baby. I woke up every two hours screaming and kept crapping my pants.
Why do people always make such a fuss over how much a newborn weighs? It's a baby, not a stash of heroin.
The only other thing more popular than Facebook's "Like" button is MySpace's "Delete Account" button.
Japan is always talking about how they're becoming "americanized" which is not true. No one even speaks Spanish over there
1+1=3...If you don't use a condom
If steroids are illegal for athletes, shouldn't photo shop be illegal for models?
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