I like to leave piles of sawdust on playgrounds with a note that just says "Pinocchio."
If I had a dollar for every time my dad questioned my sexuality, I could afford an island, and a fabulous collection of designer handbags.
I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
I almost got raped in jail... My family takes monopoly way to serious
With all the discounted Valentine's candy that's available, I like to call February 15th "Lonely People Halloween."
Snakes are just tails with faces.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy...