I think my iPhone is broken. I keep pressing the home button but I'm still at work!
What do you get the person who has everything? A round of aggressive antibiotics is probably a good place to start.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes.
My wife said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on... I don't get women.
Why do women ask questions that they truly don't want to hear the answer to? My wife asked me what would I do if I found out I had one year to live? I told her I would divorce her and remarry my ex wife, because everyday with my ex seemed like it was an eternity and by the end of the year I would be begging for death.
Dave Asten
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.