Cujo
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
Do you ever start telling your parents a funny story but then you remember what happened was illegal?
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower gets turned on.
Xyuppi
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house. It was delicious.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.
I'm sorry previews, but "best movie of the year" means nothing to me in January.
I don't have health insurance, but I do have car insurance. So whenever I get sick I just go crash my car into a tree.