Funny Statuses

What did I do on the toilet before smart phones were invented?
My psychic friend just thanked me for his surprise birthday party. Looks like I'll have to plan one now.
#2814
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Cyberbilly
Does anyone really believe this thing with the Mayan calendar? If you do it's OK but if you don't, it's not the end of the world.
Does it count as self control if there is only one Pringle left?
#3184
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Cyberbilly
So there are these "Don't start forest fires" commercials telling me to "Get my Smokey on." All I can think is, if an anthropomorphic bear in a pair of jeans and a ranger hat comes up and tells me not to set stuff on fire, I probably already did.
#3587
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Cris
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
People say I'm too condescending (that means I talk down to people).
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