When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don't believe you."
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "Nah. Six should be enough..."
Novell
My friend asked me why scuba divers always fall backwards into the water. I told him if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat
I feel like I'm disappointing Bear Grylls every time I flush the toilet.
An elderly man is stopped by the police at 2a.m and is asked where he was going at this time of night. The man replies, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effect it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, That would be my wife."
Some of you people would be better off on a site called TwoFacedBook instead.
I need to take a new profile picture but I'm nowhere near a bathroom mirror.