I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
I didn't sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. I got half way to work before I realized I forgot my car.
My wife asked me if I drank too much tonight? No, I don't even know who that is. But I raised my glass and said "Here's to Much".
You can make your fat friend exercise by changing his cell phone ring to the sound of an approaching ice cream truck.
Having a mullet is like wearing MySpace on your head.
I think we can blame our generation's obsession with plastic surgery on most of us playing with Mr. Potatohead as children.
The "i" before "e' rule is weird.