Funny Statuses

I don't know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
Why do they teach us algebra? Only pirates need to know how to find X.
There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
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Cyberbilly
Relationships are like garage sales. From a distance they look interesting but up close it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom...
The first thing a man notices about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, he notices her breasts.
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