Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of whiteout. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
It's hard to show dominance over your cat as he watches you clean his litter box.
It's hard napping at your desk when you have night terrors. I had to pretend I was screaming about Adobe updates.
Remember kids, if a stranger offers you drugs, say thank you, because drugs are expensive these days
I may look calm but in my head I've killed you more than three times.
"Hahaha look at those East Coast idiots freaking out over a little earthquOH MY GOD IS THAT A SLIGHT SNOW FLURRY????" -California
Snooki's pregnant? But she's always been so responsible...