Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
Just itched my crotch while trying to swat a fly and four people told me I was a good dancer.
Thinking no one is home, a robber breaks into a house, finding the owners in bed watching TV. "What's your name?" he says menacingly to the wife at gunpoint. E-E-Elizabeth," she says. This is your lucky day,he says. I can't shoot anyone named Elizabeth, that was my mom's name. He turns to the husband. What's your name? My name's Harry, but everyone calls me Elizabeth.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
People say 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn't agree.
If some one had really invented a time machine in the future, we'd know by now..
Dave Asten
You’re only young once. If you act like an idiot after that, you’re gonna need a new excuse.