Funny Statuses

Up until now, I thought "twerking" was short for "networking." Needless to say, today's business lunch was awkward.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
#3594
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Cris
I don't like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really!? You think someone else might want one?!
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU'RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
#7487
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Cyberbilly
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I'm Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Typing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger. It. Makes. It. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma.
Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed.
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