Funny Statuses

Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it's a two-star hotel.

I had plant based mashed potatoes last night. Tasted like the real thing.

When I say “I hate drama” I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan.

So my best friend when I was a kid was Andy Zoff. He was the fastest boy at my school.

My wife and I are very competitive. We laugh about it, but I laugh more.

I had the rudest, slowest, and nastiest cashier today. That's it! I'm done using the self-checkout lane.

Of course trees poop, where do you think #2 pencil come from?