Novell
"It's cute, but it really doesn't go with my outfit" - How I just got out of holding a baby
My grandpa has Alzheimer's, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
Robert Zunick
I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. I’m also deaf in one ear.
#thedailyjeff
Say what you will about Kristen Stewart's acting abilities, but I'm willing to bet she'd kick some serious ass in a poker game.
Jeff
If Jared from Subway gets busted for child porn, he will still have plenty of "Footlongs" to choose from where he is going.
Dave Long
The local Goodwill store is advertising on their sign, "All shirts $1.39". So I pulled up in my rented U-Haul, walked in with $1.39 plus tax and asked the clerk where the shirts were located. Apparently the sign was a bit unclear...