Funny Statuses

I want the equivalent of an e-cigarette for alcohol so I can do it at work. Get on that scientists!

And then God said, “Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I’ll give women the power over which to control it.”

I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn't my first choice but my doctor told me I can’t have any biologically.

My man-animal chimeras have been declared "unethical". Something to do with "human guinea pigs"

Tim Tebow claims he's still training for the NFL. It's always possible they might need a holy waterboy.

Mom always said not to write on walls…but apparently on Facebook you can.

Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words.