Full House had the whitest tanners in California.
People die every year in vending machine accidents. How are we still at the top of the food chain?
The phone said "Call Failed", but I thought it was going quite well.
I gave her four orgasms but they were all mine.
Hello Fire Department? Is this Mr. December? I'm stuck in a tree. I mean, Meow...
Watched five movies on Netflix last night and now my "recommended for you" queue is "pay some bills" and "clean the bathroom"
Mermaids swim by twerking...Do you ever just think about that?