Dear vending machines, I'm sorry if my dollar isn't straight enough for you. Sincerely, stop being so homophobic.
HD porn is so clear that you can actually see how disappointed their parents are.
No one is as disturbed as they should be by the fact that the prince in Snow White had to kiss a corpse in the middle of the woods surrounded by seven midgets.
Cyberbilly
My wife looked at me out in the yard and said “I didn’t know you could Moon Walk.” I said “I can’t. I’m trying to get the dog poop off my shoes.”
I had to smile at the irony when a song from the "Avatar" soundtrack started playing on Pandora Radio.
These animal crackers suck the elephant tasted exactly like the giraffe!
The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever...