I had a messy fling with an older woman once. You should have heard her scream when I let go of the catapult.
When's my bye week?
Saw a baby so that ugly it looked like Godzilla. It was a face only a Mothra could love.
When writing the story of your life don't let everyone hold your pen...
I grew up with Motley Crue, Poison, Bon Jovi & Whitesnake. If I wanna see guys like that on TV nowadays, I have to watch RuPaul's Drag Race.
The internet is a terrifying place for people with a phobia of cute cats.
If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. I'd hammer in the evening. My neighbors would hate me.