Funny Status Ideas

My company is a non-profit, just not on purpose.

I'm here to self deprecate and chew bubble gum, and I forgot to bring bubble gum because I'm the worst.

I spotted six Pokémon today but I don't have the app so I may need new meds...

Maybe the Mayan world-ending prediction in 2012 was more of a suggestion

I knew I was going bald when it took longer and longer to wash my face.

You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.

Hurricane Dorian is that friend that says they’re 5 minutes away when they are still laying in bed and haven’t even showered or gotten dress yet.