Funny Status Ideas

I have a bumper sticker that says 'Honk If You Think I'm Sexy' so I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!

Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don't want to see a lot of it...

I thought my dryer was shrinking my clothes, it turned out it was the refrigerator.

They're remaking Pet Sematary, A horror classic about resurrecting things that should stay dead...

Do you think Jesus would have found the acronym "YOLO" a bit offensive?

Aladdin could have just handed the lamp to Jasmine and they would have gained an extra 3 wishes.

Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls