Funny Status Ideas

5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants. Now they're tenants.

I am humble enough to know I am replaceable at work. But I’m confident enough to know it would take 3 people.

I have a pet termite. I named him Clint. CLINT EATS WOOD

This whole DOGE thing is getting out of hand, my wife just sent me an email asking me to list 5 things I’ve done around the house by midnight tonight.

I don’t need to watch the news to tell me how hard it’s going to snow, as I can always tell by how many loaves of bread are left on the shelf at the supermarket.

Someone threw a jar of Mayonnaise at me! I was like, What the Hellman!?

It's so cold, there's a line of chickens outside of KFC asking to use the deep fryer