Funny Status Ideas

If I died and went straight to Hell. It would take me a week to realize I wasn’t at work.

‪To clarify: teachers are not "off for the summer", they are in recovery. ‬

I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.

Are there any medium rappers? They’re all lil’ or big.

I just got a flood warning on my phone. It wasn't from the weather service; it was from my home security system camera that detected a canoe floating in my back yard.

Ever think about how there are hundreds of millions of really nice suits just buried underground?

Self checkout should include an employee discount.