Funny Status Ideas

My company is a non-profit, just not on purpose.
I'm here to self deprecate and chew bubble gum, and I forgot to bring bubble gum because I'm the worst.
#17382
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ZYuppi
I spotted six Pokémon today but I don't have the app so I may need new meds...
Maybe the Mayan world-ending prediction in 2012 was more of a suggestion
I knew I was going bald when it took longer and longer to wash my face.
#17379
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ZYuppi
You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
#17378
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Xyuppi
Hurricane Dorian is that friend that says they’re 5 minutes away when they are still laying in bed and haven’t even showered or gotten dress yet.
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