Funny Status Ideas

Airport security has just made sure that I don't have weapons or prostate cancer.

Does anyone in this group know of an old couple or even a single old lady or man who will be eating alone this Christmas? I am having friends and relatives over and need to borrow a few chairs.

I hate how celebrities always die in 3 like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison and sometimes literally on the same day like Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper and now Oscar the Grouch, Big Bird and Caroll Spinney.

‪Roadside sobriety test are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet .

I'm convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.

For dogs, Santa must be like the final boss of mailmen.

You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas tree by the lines of duct tape around the box it's stored in.