Funny Status Ideas

I won't consider myself successful until someone follows me around with a cooler of gatorade to dump over my head whenever I win at anything.

I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."

‪Just find out there’s no popcorn on popcorn shrimp. Guess there is no reason to try Pot Roast ‬

I went to see a fat psychic the other day..... well it was actually a four chin teller.

‪Never trust a train...... they have Loco Motives. ‬

For 5 dollars you can either get your girl/guy a Valentine gift OR you can get them the Costco rotisserie chicken. That’s all I’m saying, the choice is yours

My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR.