Funny Status Ideas

Weed is now legal in Canada. In other news, Taco Bell announces 697 new stores in Canada.

You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.

Opera is basically just screaming in cursive.

Getting money for your birthday is like passing ‘Go’ in Monopoly.

You don't actually wash your hands. They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.

Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

‪The temperature went from 85 to 60 like seeing a State Trooper on the highway. ‬