Funny Status Ideas

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

My doctor prescribed me a nasal steroid. Now everything has a strong smell.

I’m going to write a modern Christmas song called “baby is cold outside” it’s the story of a woman arguing with her husband about the thermostat

Gunpowder is just angry sand.

For a song about the piano man, the harmonica man won't shut up.

I have all the world's knowledge at the very tips of my fingers where I can find the answers to life's most perplexing questions! and here I am googling "What did Oscar the Grouch do if he overslept on trash day?"

Since Facebook claims ownership of everything you post on their website I think I should start uploading my bills.