Fresh Statuses

Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
I'd like to test the theory that money can't buy you happiness.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
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