Fresh Statuses

Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There's like 10 women to each man and they're already there looking for things they don't need.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
if there's no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra's?
If there's one thing I've learned hiking, it's the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
Don't get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I'll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?
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