Fresh Statuses

Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
I don't care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
‪"Memory foam pillow fights". That's one fight you'll never forget. ‬
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
Beyonce's twins will never have to work a day in their life. She should name one of them Lay-Z.
Deja poo..... The feeling that you've heard this crap before
I'm a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don't care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
Donald Trump's hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
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