Fresh Statuses

30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he's adopted.
My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
#16497
Jonathan Kama
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I'm quite happy to be have been such a failure.
#16496
PizzaDr
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I'm trying to unlock it more than two times, I'm driving off without you.
#16495
Xyuppi
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
#16494
TexasPK
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
#16493
Matthew
Imagine, for just a brief moment, that the last celebrity death of 2016 is Alanis Morissette. That would be Ironic....Don't you think?
#16492
PizzaDr
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
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