Fresh Statuses

30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he's adopted.
My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
Jonathan Kama
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I'm quite happy to be have been such a failure.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I'm trying to unlock it more than two times, I'm driving off without you.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
Imagine, for just a brief moment, that the last celebrity death of 2016 is Alanis Morissette. That would be Ironic....Don't you think?
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
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