Fresh Statuses

#16796
Xyuppi
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That's like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can't be with them for the holidays. But don't be jealous.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
#16791
Xyuppi
Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence?...... There's one marked "Brightness" but it doesn't work.
#16790
Xyuppi
I stayed up all night trying to remember if I had Amnesia or Insomnia.
#16789
Xyuppi
I'm 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
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