Fresh Statuses

I'm lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
So glad I don't have a thigh gap. Almost dropped my phone in the toilet but my legs were like "no man I got you".
Just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.
When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
How do blind people ever know when they're done wiping?
You matter! Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared...then you energy.
Top Users
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