Funny Status Ideas

‪Don’t forget to turn your clock forward tonight to eliminate one hour of Trump’s Presidency. ‬
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I'm not good enough to have something fancy like that.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
I was addicted to Tide Pods. But, I’m clean now.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
I should win an Oscar for acting like I'm at work.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
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