Fresh Statuses

#16765
Xyuppi
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.
The risk I took was calculated, but MAN am I bad at math.
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
#16762
PizzaDr
2017 doesn't need an extra hour.
#16761
PizzaDr
I set my clocks back this morning and had another breakfast.
#16760
Xyuppi
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
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