An airplane must be the scariest experience for someone with a peanut allergy.
The only time I've ever early to anything is when I'm dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
I'm convinced my electricity bill would disappear if my fridge had a window.
Be careful out there! Today's the one day you're most likely to meet time travelers on a desperate mission from the future.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
I was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For God's sake, keep it down!"
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
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