‪I will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia. ‬
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn't have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
If only Vincent van Gogh would have cut off his left ear, his hearing would have been all right.
I'll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you're 23."
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
When I wrap gifts myself, I tell everyone a child did it so it's adorable instead of pathetic.
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