I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all the people spending Christmas with family who voted differently than they did.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
Instead of kissing at midnight on December 31st, we should do group hugs. The last thing people should feel going into the new year is alone.
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