Don't get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I'll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
If there's one thing I've learned hiking, it's the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
if there's no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra's?
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There's like 10 women to each man and they're already there looking for things they don't need.
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