Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
I'd like to test the theory that money can't buy you happiness.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
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