The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
I'm convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
‪I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house. It was delicious. ‬
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
The next time you're afraid to share an idea because you think it's stupid, remember that someone once suggested in a meeting that they make a movie about a tornado filled with sharks.
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