Funny

Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2001
Donald Trump's hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn't make me stronger."
One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
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