Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There's like 10 women to each man and they're already there looking for things they don't need.
Not to brag or anything, but I don't need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I'm ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there' .
Don't get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I'll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
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