Fresh Statuses

Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
Stalin should have known communism doesn't work. There were red flags everywhere.
If you step on someone's foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
My "Kiss me, I'm Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
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