Fresh Statuses

You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Meat eaters and Vegetarians both love animals. They just love them in different ways.
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
When I’m at a restaurant I like to ask the waiter, “What’s your most frequently photographed entree?
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
I was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For God's sake, keep it down!"
Oh, Schwarzenegger, you dog, you. You were a "Running Man" from your "True Lies" and your "Predator" ways will have you spending your "End of Days" with "Junior". Good thing it wasn't "Twins"......Your first mistake was going "Commando"
It's impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
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