Fresh Statuses

If I was Columbia Drug Lord. I'd dye the cocaine black then fill printer toner cartridges with it. I could charge double for toner vs charging for just cocaine. Would be legal too!
What number SPF blocks people?
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
I just want my house to be clean enough so that if someone drops by unexpectedly it doesn't look like we're six days into battling a poltergeist.
A solar eclipse is the cosmic equivalent of the bouncing DVD logo going perfectly into a corner.
Don't look at the eclipse through a colander. You'll strain your eyes.
It's Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I've spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
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