Fresh Statuses

I'm convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
I answered a telephone call yesterday but the person at the other end just kept on sneezing. I just hate cold callers.
It's true, alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Turns out the button on the elevator with the fireman’s hat on it is not the button for a free fireman’s hat.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
Wow, I can't believe it's been a whole year since my herb garden was stolen. Where did the thyme go?
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
I do 5 sit ups every day. It may not seem like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
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