Funny Status Ideas

I met a girl who told me that the she broke up with her last boyfriend as he just didn't work out, which is when knew right away she wasn't the one for me as I hate to work out as well.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging Step 2: Throw out packaging Step 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
K-Mart announced they will close 108 stores putting 16 cashiers out of work.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
I don't know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
It's funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
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