Fresh Statuses

OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
My blood hound was attacked by a crip hound.
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
OK. Who's the genius that decided to call it "necrophilia" and not "sexual intercorpse."
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what’s inside.
Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what'd go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
I took a blood test today and got a B+. Any tips so that I can get an A next time?
The next time you're afraid to share an idea because you think it's stupid, remember that someone once suggested in a meeting that they make a movie about a tornado filled with sharks.
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