Funny Status Ideas

I don’t need to watch the news to tell me how hard it’s going to snow, as I can always tell by how many loaves of bread are left on the shelf at the supermarket.

Someone threw a jar of Mayonnaise at me! I was like, What the Hellman!?

It's so cold, there's a line of chickens outside of KFC asking to use the deep fryer

If you get locked out! Talk to the lock calmly. Communication is the key

I'm at the age where my mind firmly believes I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, and my body died in the Civil War.

Australia’s biggest EXPORT are boomerangs, incidentally it is their biggest IMPORT too

Walmart has announced that they will be closed Thanksgiving day so that all the self checkout people can be home with their families